Coping When the World Seems Like a Horrible Place
It is completely understandable if you are experiencing anger or sadness about the world right now. You are not alone in these feelings. It is a lot to take in, and it can be difficult to know how to cope.
What is happening in Gaza strains the limits of human understanding. How could this happen? What must have already happened to create the conditions that would allow this to happen?
Asking questions like this is normal –and also potentially dangerous. Normal because as humans we want to “wrap our (logical) minds around” situations that seem beyond our ability to fathom. Dangerous because to do so can come with costs to our mental health.
When I began to study history earnestly at the age of 20, my professors did not hold back. They threw the world at me and asked me to look at it, remember it, analyze it, and synthesize it. Volumes and volumes of it. They asked me to understand and integrate it so I could pass it along to future students of history.
What they never asked me to do was process it. That was not even a consideration.
In the years since, I’ve realized being a history major should have come with a psychosomatic therapist. In the early 90s, they just put you on an antidepressant. True story.
For a history major with poor cold recall in the memory department, the only way to “remember it” was to relate to it – emotionally. Otherwise, I thought, what was the point of studying history?
I didn’t care about the victors or the spoils.
What I cared about was how people felt living in the circumstances in which they lived. I was curious about how people dealt with their world — and the f’ed up power dynamics and the impact of those power dynamics on individual and collective psyches.
What I cared about was how the pain and injustice of the past lived in the present lives of my high school and yoga students – and I was curious about if and how to make peace with it.
What I cared about was understanding the strength and resilience it must have taken to move forward (because time just keeps marching on). I was curious about how to cultivate and teach such resilience.
What I cared about was people's mental, emotional and physical health. I cared about their hearts. I cared so much that over time I didn’t really care about teaching history.
For years I read, watched, listened to and discussed human decision-making and how humans choose to treat each other.
I saw the impacts of generations of trauma-based decision-making in the coping skills of my students.
So I had consumed the world’s pain, but had not processed it. Not even close.
The underlying anger and sadness was like Atlas carrying the weight of the world on his back. The responsibility I felt because I knew of the depth and breadth of injustice in this world. The guilt I felt for somehow avoiding most of it myself. The drive I felt to save people from suffering.
I remember reading about who, what, when and where. When I got to WHY, I had to pause. Are you kidding me? THAT is the reason?? That is the reason so many people were brutalized, killed, why so many marched to their death, so many families broken, so much pain, loss, turmoil…??
The WHYs astounded me and still do. The WHYs are so complex, and I’ve come to believe the WHYs live primarily in the human psyche, and still do.
What happened to you, I’d think? What happened to you, your family, your community that would make you think THAT was the right decision to make about how to treat people?
Because most of the world's important decisions made – whatever the topic or context – IMO – really comes down to how we view and then subsequently treat people.
I came to realize the world was not a horrible place. But the insides of people's minds could be.
Not because they were evil, but because they were traumatized. The coping strategies they developed to be able to survive the world they perceived drew them a roadmap to navigate situations in ways that seem unfathomable to anyone outside their mind (or the group-mind their individual mind may be embedded in.) Coping with individual and collective pain sure helps me understand why there are so many narcissists historically and currently.
It was this way of seeing, this reframing, that allowed me to have curiosity and compassion where before there had been judgment and disgust.
And while I am committed to holding curiosity and compassion, that does not negate my ability and justification to hold people responsible for their actions.
It’s this step that has allowed me to process what had been building up for years. The anger. The sadness. The disgust. The guilt.
It’s ongoing, knowing how much and what kinds of stuff to let in, and then giving my body-mind-spirit the time and practices to digest the world. Learning and living Ayurveda, the “Knowledge of Life” has been the integral component to my health and sanity.
And perhaps as you continue to watch, see and be in our world, perhaps you too have an accumulation of feelings to sort through as a result of being awake to what’s happening?
Perhaps you too now feel some of Atlas’ burden and need to set it down so you don’t lose your damn mind. So you don’t lose yourself in the darkness.
Because I’ve been there, my friends. And I suspect many of you have too. Some of us stay in the pit longer and more acutely than others, but I think we all visit there from time to time. Especially in times like these.
Being awake in this world can compromise your mental health. It’s actually, sadly, like that by design. How can our minds be healthy and well-adjusted in a toxic world? That is what Gabor Mate asks in The Myth of Normal.
If you have heard yourself say things like:
I can’t deal with the world right now. I don’t know what is going on. What is happening? How can this be happening?
YOU. ARE. NOT. ALONE.
But how can we cope? It is important to take care of our mental health. What I can offer is what I have done to help my mental health. I don’t like that it reads like a to-do list, but it is a compilation of what I do to manage the news of the world.
Take a break from the news if it is overwhelming you. Period.
The world is not a better place because you are flooded with the details of atrocities.
Allow yourself to feel your emotions.
It is okay to feel sad, angry, or scared. Bottling up your emotions will only make things worse.
Yell into a pillow, off a hill or mountain, in the forest, underwater, any safe place – and let it rip. Don’t hold back the ugly cries. They aint ugly. They are a powerful stress relief.
Take care of yourself. Make sure you are eating healthy, getting enough sleep, and exercising regularly. I know this can be challenging when we are stressed.
Notice when you are feeling guilty for taking care of yourself and work to squash it. The world is not a better place because you are suffering.
Curious about a holistic Ayurvedic lifestyle that supports you in digesting and integrating what you take in from the world? Start here.
Tend to the health of your nervous system especially.
What is yoga for the nervous-system and how can you build resilience?
Talk to someone you trust. Talking about your feelings can help you to process them and feel better. There are also many hotlines available where you can talk to someone who is trained to help.
In a crisis, call or text 988.*
Reach out for professional help. A therapist can help you to understand and manage your emotions in a healthy way.
Get outside in nature. Nature is the best recycler of human emotions I know of for myself.
Spend time with loved ones. Put your face in a pet. Tell them you love them and allow yourself to feel the love they have for you. Being around people and pets who care about you can help you to feel supported and loved.
Look for “The Helpers”. Mr. Rogers gave us this wisdom to support us when the world seems too cruel. Focus your attention toward seeing how love responds, not in a Pollyanna, spiritual-bypassing kind-of-way, but in an ‘expand your awareness to take in the presence of love alongside what seems like so much hate’ kind-of-way.
Help others. Helping others can make you feel good and give you a sense of purpose.
Do something you enjoy. Taking some time for yourself to do something you enjoy can help to take your mind off of the sadness in the world.
AGAIN: Notice when you are feeling guilty for doing things you enjoy and work to squash it. The world is not a better place because you deny yourself joy.
The world can be a scary and overwhelming place, and there are many things we can do to take care of our mental health, even in the midst of difficult times. Remember, you are not alone. We know it can feel impossible to ask for help – and to be asked to ask for help is a barrier to getting it.
There are people who care about you and want to help – and we will be looking for you. So keep your eyes out for the helpers, and if they ask you if you need support, allow them to support you. The world is not a better place because you quietly suffer. The world is a better place when we help to ease each other’s suffering.
