Bringing Wellness Home: A Daughter's Ayurvedic Mission

Cooking for a Dad with Cancer

This last March I went back home to northwestern Pennsylvania to a Dad in decline. He’s one of every 4 in 10 Americans with multiple chronic illnesses. His list includes blood clots and CLL leukemia and recently he was diagnosed with prostate cancer that has metastasized to his bladder and bones. Cancer sucks. 

My Mom warned me he was frail and thin with little appetite. The afternoon I arrived he was ashen yellow and looked hollow like a ghost. The man I saw was not the little bull I knew before the diseases, procedures and medications started “working” on him. He couldn’t get out of bed without assistance, and barely shuffled with a walker. When he spoke, he mumbled, and it was clear to me, and Mom – and in the words of the doctor who just released him from the hospital – “his cancer was aggressive and he was a very sick man”. Hearing of his condition before I left home, I prayed for the guidance I needed to bring him what he needed. I mean, besides his daughter. 

In Ayurveda, when people are ill you feed them very specific foods you cook in a specific way to help them build ojas, or vigor. It is the subtle essence that builds as the nutrients we ingest  are gradually assimilated into the body’s tissues. It nourishes all our tissues and is responsible for the optimal functioning of the body, mind and spirit. It creates radiance, vitality and joy, and strong ojas gives bright eyes, glowing skin and a sense of peace and stability. 

So, I pulled out my giant suitcase and stuffed it full of all the items I would need to cook him ojas building foods. Since I got home close to dinner, I gave him a tender squeeze, and a good look over, and immediately made a simple kunyi with lime and maple syrup, but without the turmeric (because it can be contraindicated when taken with blood thinners.) He was a good sport and ate a small bowl. That first night home I wondered if he might pass in his sleep - he looked that bad. But, he lived to fight another day!

Since I know my western diet-preferring Pops can be a picky pain in the ass food-wise, I thought about what taste profiles he likes and also what Ayurveda says to leverage when people are depleted.

I had premade and packed along two quarts of ghee and brought easy to digest grains to make porridges. I brought Fuji apples and big black raisins, so I could put “apple pie guts” under his nose for his first Ayurvedic breakfast. I knew he had a reduced appetite, but asked him to eat just a little and please chew his food until it was applesauce in his mouth. He said with surprise “this is really good Bran” – and that it was just like apple pie. Gold star to yours truly. ⭐️

I made the same simple soupy rice (kunyi) for his lunch along with roasted sweet potatoes. He ate a bit of each. After lunch, I heckled him into taking a lap around the kitchen island with his walker, and then he took a well-earned nap while I prepared a dinner of more rice, root veggies and spinach. He ate a little of that too, and had enough energy to protest having to “eat the green stuff”, but did it anyway because it was objectively delicious. 

Over the next 5 days, I grated small amounts of ginger into his meals to stimulate his agni - his digestive fire. I made date shakes rather than cold milkshakes. I cooked up an Ayurvedic version of vanilla “rice pudding” to mimic Mom’s old recipe he loves.

I knew what to make him because I’d just answered this question in my Ayurvedic Health Advisor Program at Hale Pule: How should people eat during illness? 

Answer: Easily digestible, simple, warm nourishing foods like kunyi or simple kitchari or if digestion is compromised soupy basmati rice with a little salt and ghee – perhaps a pinch of turmeric and/or ginger; "clear foods" like broths, transparent liquids (water and teas), and seasonal vegetables with translucent after cooking; hydrating drink with warm water - lemon/lime, honey/maple syrup and mineral salt; Ojas building foods like warm spiced raw milk or golden milk; dates with ghee and maybe cinnamon; almonds

At the end of 5 days everyone (including skeptical Dad and Mom) could not deny it was having a positive impact. Unlike before, Dad was sleeping through the night, getting up out of bed on his own, pooping (which had been a major source of suffering because of the anesthesia and medications), and even going out to the garage to supervise while my niece Dakota changed Mom’s car over to summer tires.

Since I took it upon myself to be chief cook and bottle washer, my 76 year old Mom also got a much deserved break. She was eating the same meals as all of us and one afternoon said, “I feel so peaceful”, despite the fact that her beloved husband of 52 years was in the fight of his life. 

But the thing is, he wasn’t fighting. Or should I say, he wasn’t resisting. Mom told me a few days after his diagnosis, Dad verbalized that “they’d had a good life together and could deal with whatever happened.” They both have a strong Christian faith that buoys them, and the first afternoon I was home, while Mom was in the shower, Dad called me over to his side so he could say things to me he felt he needed to say. He knew what he needed to do to heal, to move forward, and I can’t help but think that conversation was a part of that, too. 

As I stood in the kitchen watching my parents rest in their overstuffed living room recliners, I wished I could support more families. It occurred to me that as kind and helpful as meal trains are, the comfort foods that arrive are often not the best (most easily-digestible) for those whose bodies and minds are under acute distress. With home-care nurses, physical and occupational therapists on the books to come help Dad, where are the food therapists who can prepare meals and also teach interested family members how to cook for special needs? 

I’ve been wanting to support families with in-home Ayurvedic education for a while, but it took a personal call to action for the seed to sprout. Today, Dad has sparked back up and is out doing what he loves – putzing in the garage and driving his backhoe (between naps) – and knowing Mom has more energy to handle being his caregiver, has inspired me to offer this service to others. 

Families need support as beloveds manage various health issues. Traditionally and today, women carry the majority of the responsibility for steering family health, and I am here to support them and anyone who would like to subtly shift familial lifestyle and eating habits in order to promote family wellness. You don’t have to do it all alone and learning new things can be fun for the whole family. Ya gotta start someone, and maybe reading this is that start. 🌱